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Saturday, August 20, 2011

I wanted a ten dollar movie, not a fifteen dollar migrane.

Anyone else getting tired of 3D movies? It seems like the cinematic fad that just won't die. First it was Dreamworks and Disney putting all their animated films in 3D, which is great for the kiddies and all, but after a while it seems like every director and his dog has to make his movies in 3D format. I'm sick of it. As it is, despite all the "advances" in the technology, I still find myself lifting up my glasses over and over again throughout the movie, trying to tell the difference aside from the slight double-image. Thus far I really haven't seen any movie in 3D that's wow-ed me. Furthermore while it was cool at first, seeing pickaxes/swords/rocks/debris/people thrown at me after again and again and again just for an excuse to exploit the tech for all of about three seconds feels like the movie's just scrabbling for attention.
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"Look at me! Look at meeeeeee! Do you see this thing that is obviously flying at your head! Is this not so amazing and lifelike that you feel like you must duck and avoid it?!" No. No it doesn't.


Even more galling than that is the four or five dollar markup you pay to SEE this bullshit. Five dollars for a pair of questionably functional, 80's-reminiscent glasses that god knows how many people have worn before you and the possibility of giving myself and my date a headache. You realize few things put a damper on the possibility of getting laid at the end of the night like a 3D-induced migrane? Great. Now you're cockblocking me. Thanks a lot, 3D. Now go drink some paint thinner and remove yourself from my cinematic experience.
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You want to impress me? Here.

That's Sony's 360 Autostereoscopic display. In plain english, it's an honest to goodness, space age-looking holographic display. Make a movie on THAT, Pixar. Then I'll pay your fucking sixteen dollars.

In other news, in case you were wondering, no, I haven't seen the new Conan. Call me a stickler but I don't think we needed the remake. Although I will applaud them for finding an actor even uglier than Scwartzenegger to play him. Seriously, the guy's like a combination of Troy Polamalu and Donkey Kong.
Tell me I'm wrong. He could probably kill a man with his eyebrow ridge alone.

I'm sure everyone's raving about it for a reason, and I was enticed by the inclusion of Ron Pearlman, but I'm perfectly comfortable in the minority. I'll sit here, waiting for a new Conan starring Schwartzenegger. I want to see the old, floppy Conan that looks like he's smuggling deflated balloons under his arm skin. Call me weird, but I think it would be hilarious.
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10 comments:

  1. I hate 3d because of glasses but the video looks awesome!

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  2. They have 2d glasses now haha, I need to get some 3d movies give me a major headache

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  3. I don't like the feeling of glasses resting on my nose. also, I agree that too many movies just use 3D for the sake of it.

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  4. I agree 100%, to me a movie in 3D just means it costs me more money. The 3D effect isn't even that good, I'll take my 3DS over any 3D film, and even then I turn the 3D off. It was a neat thing when you go to Disneyland and see Captain EO in 3D, but I don't need to see the Smurfs in 3D IMAX.

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  5. FUCKING YES. Every single new movie is in 3D now. It's stupid. 3D movies shouldn't be marketed yet, it seems like they're still in the beta stage. I don't want to wear stupid glasses, I don't want to have double vision when I watch the movie, I don't want a headache. Fix that shit.

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  6. about the new conan, the new guy is like a joke in comparision to Arnold. I dont know why they chose this skinny guy, perhaps the only one who has the acting skill and deserves to be Conan is the Rock.

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  7. Meh... I'm never watching 3D ever again after I spent 18 bucks to see UP! in 3D and it looked the same as 2D. :/ Also made my eyes hurt after a while so I fell alseep. :D

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  8. I watched a lot of 3D cartoon and they're amazing;
    but atm 3D movies (such as Avatar) are not so great :/

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  9. THANK YOU. Every time I go to the movies, no matter what the genre, the guy selling the ticket asks "Would you like to see that in 3D?"

    wtf? no. I don't want to see a dramatic movie starring Meryl Streep in 3D, what the hell is gonna pop out of the screen, her clit?

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  10. I avoid 3D movies as much as possible, they are awful. The prototype by Sony looks interesting, though.

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